I Am
by Familia-Ficz
Summary: Songfic of the song 'I Am' by Drowning Pool. Inu-Yasha loses control and regrets it. People die, one person is raped. Just a warning. Please R & R. Thax -Pai


Pai: OKay, I'm feeling rather angsty, maybe a little bitchy. I wanted to write a songfic and I was in a depressing mood when I decided it. I wanted a death related one. Inspiration a la Gamagatchi's songfic ~glomps Her~ n.n;;; and meh favorite band is Drowning Pool so it took a little while to find one that brought any inspirtation of a death fanfic to me. This one reminded me of inu-yasha X shikon shards and inu-yasha X youkai form. So..yeah...just read  
  
Inu-Yasha: WHY ME!?!?  
  
Pai: What are you doing away from your bishie harem?  
  
Inu-Yasha: Be quiet, jsut answer to question!  
  
Pai: Because I love making you suffer? Now how abbout it? Wanna stay in my bishie harem permenatly? ~wiggles eye brows like Grey~  
  
Inu-Yasha: 0 0;; ~runs~ IF YOU MAKE ME DIE I'LL KILL YE!  
  
Pai: ~shifty eyes~ Now why would I do something like that?  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any charas, but I'm fairly positive I own teh plot 0o; Drowning Pool owns the Song.   
  
//Song lyrics in these\\  
  
'Speach in these'  
  
WARNING: This fic contains reference to rape. So don't read if you can't handle that. No detail what so ever. Not even lime worthy.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
'I Am' Drowning Pool  
  
//I've never felt so alive  
  
I've never had to run and hide  
  
The things I want I cannot have  
  
The things I need are all so bad\\  
  
One's desire to become one of the youkai race lay forgotten in the bloody arms of he whom wished it. How could he have ever wished for that? To be a youkai? He wanted the Shikon Jewel at every moment, in very breathe, yet now? Ne. The pull, the need to become youkai was gone. He regretted everything, everyone, just...all. The world hung in ashes around his shoulders. Blood soaking into his attire. Red on Red. The bloddy hue mingling with silken white strands. All lay forgotten, nothing mattered.  
  
//I could've been   
  
I could've been   
  
I could've been   
  
I am  
  
I could've been   
  
I could've been   
  
I could've been   
  
I am  
  
You could've been  
  
You could've been   
  
You could've been   
  
You are  
  
You could've been  
  
You could've been   
  
You could've been   
  
You are\\  
  
An anguished heart was heavy. Warm, salty tears spilled long ago, drained completely of all emotion but anguish...and sorrow. His legenfdary blade was being repaired again, his use long suffering on the gold steel. The youkai Hunter and wind scared monk were guarding the sword where it lay. The kitsune pup and ningen fatale had gone with him. The two hath wandered into the forest depth, searching. What? Now forgotten, for at this point it doth not matter for an instant. Nay not at all.  
  
//My best excuse is that I'm drained  
  
From everything that keeps me sane  
  
My sickness keeps me in control  
  
From everything you'll never know\\  
  
His normally easy hold on control was slipping without the trusting blade keeping it at bay. He kept one control locked. He would not harm hhis friend, the one whom trusted him, and accepted him in every form he could possibly be, perchance his futer lover? Hisaffections for her were soon made obvious. Optics o' rubine hue, changed under the moon's stark light. The little one became food to his mind almost instantly. The ningen woman refused to let her so called pup be harmed. He was enraged. The pup got away in his momentary anger, but it was not nearly matching her own.  
  
//I could've been   
  
I could've been   
  
I could've been   
  
I am  
  
I could've been   
  
I could've been   
  
I could've been   
  
I am  
  
You could've been  
  
You could've been   
  
You could've been   
  
You are  
  
You could've been  
  
You could've been   
  
You could've been   
  
You are\\  
  
He lost control. She was a female, ningen or no. Friend, or otherwise. She was also in heat. His rage tore away his control utterly. She fought back, but against a youkai, and with her feelings for him barricading her miko power from harming him, she lost. He raped her, her own screams echoing into the night, but not because of that. Blood stained his hands. He killed her, slowly. Two lusts quenches, the beast rested. He awoke from the spells of it. He looked down. She was gone from this world.  
  
//Does it make you happy  
  
Does it make you mad  
  
Why am I still laughing  
  
Look at what you had\\  
  
Clawed Digits fingered the limp beads that bound him to the miko's will. They were useless now. He gingerly lifted them over his head, bringing them down to look at. Letting the memories flood back. Her laughter, her face, even her 'osuwari!' commands. She was his best friend, and he had loved her dearly. Her fierce protectiveness of everything she thought needed it. Her motherly attentions to Shippo. Sango, whom she treated like a sister. Even the times she took care of him, every worrying glance, they all came flooding back to him. Salty tears leaving warm trails down his cheeks as he put te prayer beads back over his neck, as if hoping she would pop up and 'osuwair' him at any moment.  
  
//Does it make you feel good  
  
Does it make you sick  
  
That you knew that I would  
  
Be the one to trip\\  
  
It cam flashing back. The rush, the feel, the desire. It just kept building up. A bloodlusting ecstasy. He was lost in it. The currents takinng him farther down it. He couldn't breathe. He began not to want to. To feel. That was all he wanted at the moment. No. He had to make it up there. To escape. It had happened before, but it was different this time. He was being swept downward too quickly. Something was happeneing. He had no sese of time. Then suddenly the currents changed and he was brought back into himself. Looking down at Kagome's lifeless body. It was all his fault. How could he have lost control?  
  
//I could've been   
  
I could've been   
  
I could've been   
  
I am  
  
I could've been   
  
I could've been   
  
I could've been   
  
I am  
  
You could've been  
  
You could've been   
  
You could've been   
  
You are  
  
You could've been  
  
You could've been   
  
You could've been   
  
You are\\  
  
He couldn't take it suddenly. Her blood stained his hands. Only his own salty tears slashed it from his face. Silver strands mingled with rubine o' blood hue. Without her to stop him....with out her...the thought was repeditive as he drew his claws along his wrists slowly, making the cuts deep. This was the end. The tears were long dried, he had none lef to spill, but still his amber optics watered as he looked down into her peaceful face. Peaceful in death. A digits pushed her ebon' strands from her moonfilled visage. He held her against him, his blood pooling around them, covering her own. His eyes looked down into her blank ones. He got his last look at her before his vision became blurry. Rocking her back and forth. 'Kagome...Gomen' It was whispered before his last shuddering breathe was drawn and his crumpled atop himself and her. Amber optics gleaming blankly in the moonlit forest.  
  
//No Control  
  
No Control  
  
No Control\\  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
A/N: Well hwo did you like it? I don't flame flamers 0o; erm yeah. PLease review n.n;; thankies ^.~  
  
Inu-Yasha: YOU KILLED ME! WHY!?!?!  
  
Pai: Because I love to make you suffer in agony n.n  
  
Inu-Yasha: ~sweatdrops, then lunges at Pai as she runs off~  
  
Pai: 0 0; ~zooms into the air vents~ 


End file.
